Scars
by Doc. blu xx
Summary: Glorfindel learns Erstors secret and helps him overcome his demos Warnings: Self harm, slash. Glorfindel/Erstor.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi! This is my first Lord of the Rings fanfic, so please if you like it review. They would make me haaaaaapppppppyyyyy :) Warning: Mentions of self-harm, if you are uncomfortable then don't read also slash pairing.**_

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Erestor was stood in his chambers staring out of the window. A blank expresion had come over him as he thought of the past. It was never very intelligent to dwell on a past that was full of hurt and sadness, at least that was what Elrond had told Glorfindel when he had first arrived in Imladris and used to suffer from vivid nightmares every night of the awful Balrog. The one that had essentially killed him. No! He mus'nt think like that, those were the sort of thoughts that could finally break Erestor. Without the prospect of seeing the esteemed Blarog slayer, Erestor wasn't sure if he would have made it out bed some days.

For the longest time, Erestor was terrified of telling anyone of his preffered choice in partners for lack of a better word. But then of course, one his closest friends who also happened to be the Lord Of Imladris had guessed. Erestors fears however, were proved wrong. Elrond had been entirely supportive of the fact that he was attracted to the same gender, afterwards, Erestor realized that it was silly really, to think that, in Imladris, he would be hated for it. Even Elrond had told him that the elves in Imladris probably wouldn't even bat an eye lash at the revelation, for Imladris was a safe haven open to all who desired to wander the halls of the esteemed elven realm.

Even though, deep down Erestor knew this, it was really really deep down. He just couldn't risk it, he had been kicked out of his parents home as soon as he had come of age as they disagreed with homosexuality and were always extremely vocal about it. Of course he had never actually _told _Elrond any of this, but he was pretty certain that his friend had a rough idea about why he was so secretive about it.

Thank the Valor though, he hadn't pressed Erestor for details and and had simply just promised to not tell anyone of it.

That was many millenia ago though and Erestor couldn't help but wonder about the elven Lords reactions to this new tid bit of information Erestor had yet to tell him about.

His thoughts were suddenly bubbling over with images a certain blonde elf. The same blonde elf that Erestor wouldn't be able to live without. A blonde elf with such sweet lips and such beautiful lblue eyes, oh how he had got lost in those eyes this afternoon.

He was suddenly bought out of his beautiful daydream when he glanced down and caught sight of his scarred he felt now was disgust. Disgust at himself for being so weak and feeble and fragile that he hadn't even been able ti take a few insults every now and then. But it wasn't every now and then it was all day everyday wasn't it. Though logically, Erestor knew that no one, especially an elfling. But at the time he was being extremely illogical as he was being now. All he felt was self-loathing when he caught sight of his scarred body in the mirror. Every single one of them were still there as vivid as the day he had made them.

_'Ugh how could anyone even do this to themselves' he thought, 'For Valors sake, its fucking self- mutilation you disgusting, ungrateful elf.'_ He tugged at his hair in frutration and hatred at himself. _There were tears rolling down his pale cheeks._

He hadn't cut in a long time, He had had a relapse about 200 years ago but he soon recovered again. But at certain times and on certain days, much like today he had come so close to it. In fact, he was pretty certain that if it wasn't for the fact that Glorfindel had professed his love for Erestor earlier on in the day he would have relapsed again.

Once again, Erestor was overcome with thoughts of self-hatred.

_'How could you think like that? Yoy been granted a perfectly, healthy body for Erus sake, and what have you done. Gone and fucked that up like you do everything else. You have taken for granted the fact that the Valor have given you such a precious gift._

_Oh Eru! What would Glorfindel think if he could see my scarred body? Surely he would be absloutely disgusted like I was with myself. Glorfindel would realise that he doesn't and couldn't love someone like me and instead choose one of the toned warriors who were actually worthy of Glorfindels attention.'_

He was bought of his thoughts by a sudden knock on the door. He had been so emersed in his own thoughts that he hadn't even realized that someone was approaching. Quickly he made himself presentable and set his face with a cold hard stone-like expression. He opened the door to a certain blonde-haired fair elf.

_Glorfindel._

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Glorfindel was in his office, trying his hardest to finally get all the paperwork done. It was quite simple really, but because he hadn't been able to concentrate all day. All he could think about was the dark haired-elf whom had won his heart. Glorfindel thought back to the events that had transpired in this very office just a few hours prior.

_Glorfindel had been writing a report; he had just returned from a patrol. He was halfway through when a knock sounded at the door. Wondering who it was, Glorfindel granted the person behind the door entry. He was suprised yet pleased when the Noldo beauty, also known as Erestor entered._

**_"Mae Govenann Erestor," Glorfindel said beckoning the elf closer to the desk._**

**_"Mae Govenann, I am here to collect the report Glorfindel."_**

**_Glorfindel didn't know what had compelled him to do it, but he did. He just couldn't help himself anymore, he needed that elf!_**

**_"Oh and here I am thinking that my wonderful friend, whom I was sure loved me deeply had come to say hi after such a tiring patrol, but I was mistaken, all you want is more work from me. " Glorfindel clutched his heart in fake misery hoping to have the desired outcome._**

**_"Of course I love you, you fool," Erestor had replied without even thinking. It took a few seconds for the true meaning of what he had said and when it did Erestor finally understood why Glorfindel had been smirking at him._**

**_A blush was rising on his cheeks and he was opening and closing his mouth as if he was a fish out water gasping for breath. Erestor was looking for something to say, which turned Glorfindels smirk into a loving smile as he came round the desk and kneeled down to the Noldos level. Erestor immediately looked away, not wanted to meet the golden haired balrog slayers eyes. Glorfindel gently put his finger under Erestors cheek and turned his head till he was looking into his eyes. In Erstors eyes, Glorfindel saw panic and fear and also another emotion. Love? Could it be? Glorfindel gently caressed Erestors cheek, calming him._**

**_The smirk returned to the balrog slayers face as he said,_**

**_"My, my Ersetor, what was that?" The elf took great pleasure in Erestors rapidly reddening face._**

**_"You love me do you?" Glofindels smirk only grew as the Noldo splutterd,_**

**_"I-,"_**

**_"Well," Glorfindel was now whipering into Erestors sensitive ear barley audibly, "Guess what?" He gently brushed his lips over Erestors pointed ears and nuzzled his neck as a shiver went down Erestors spine._**

**_"Wh-what?" Erestors voice was icredibly raspy and there was trepidition in it_**

**_"I love you too." Glorfindel finished placing a sweet kiss to Erestors brow._**

**_"Y-you do?" Erestor asked uncertainly._**

**_"Mhm," He paused for a second to look right into Erestors eyes._**

**_"Gi mellin Erestor."_**

**_"Gi mellin Glorfindel."_**

**_Glorfindel placed a sweet loving kiss on Erestors inviting lips. They tasted better than he could have ever imagined._**

**_He was beyond pleased that the seemingly cold counseller had returned his feelings._**

Glorfindel had been lost in this memory for quite a while when he suddenly stood up without any warning, and allowed his feet to guide him through the halls of Imladris. Before long he found himself outside the door leading to the chambers of the chief counsellor.

The balrog slayer paused for a moment and heard... _crying?_

_'Why would Erestor be crying, Is he okay?! I'd better check on him'_

Not wanting to startle the Noldo by barging into the room, Glorfindel knocked on the door lightly and waited patiently for an answer.

He heard a frantic scuffling on the other side of the door for about a minuite before it finally opened. Erestor looked a bit shocked at first but quickly granted him entry.

Sensing that Erestor needed some form of comfort right now, Glofindel quickly engulfed the Noldo in a hug.

"Are you gonna tell me whats wrong?" The balrog slayer whispered in Erestors ear.

The golden haired elf could feel a wet patch forming on his shoulder where Erestors head was resting and he could hear the Noldo sniffling. But Glorfindel didn't care about the wet patch, all he cared about was makingsure Erestor was okay. He pulled away from Erestor and led him over to the couch.

Erestor sat down and suddenly found the floor very interesting. Glorfindel sighed at this and put his hand on Erstors cheek and forced the dark haired elf to look at him. With his thumb, he gently wiped the tears away .

"What has made you so upset my love?"

There was a sad faraway look in Erestors eyes and he just shook his head.

"Why not Erestor? Why can't you tell me?"

"Because...I...-uh" Erestor sighed in frustration, got up and walked back to the window.

He felt a strong pair of arms encircle his face and whisper into his hair,

"You. can. tell. me. anything, anything at all, no matter what it is, for our imperfections make us whole, they make us who we are. Not on the outside, that doesn't mattter. But on the inside."

There was a finality to this statement as though Glorfindel was absoloutely 100% positive about that. Erestor really hoped he was.

_'Not when he see's you. You foolish elf, he is talking about the sorts of wounds one would recive on the battlefield. Not some freak who made the wounds himself.'_

Erestor burried his head in his hands , he couldn't tell Glorfindel this, he didn't even know _how _to go about it.

Glorfindel turned Ersetor around to face him and attempted to pry his hands away from his face.

"Tell me please Erestor, for it would cese my worry and I may be able to help."  
"No!"

It was then that Erestors sleevfell down a bit, revealing to Glorfindel, Erestors awful secret.

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_**Hiiiii, hi hi hi. Thank you if you read, and pleeeeaaaaaase review, it would make me a haaapy unicorn. neig-unicorn noise.**_

_**Hope you liked, will have the next chapter up soon.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! Iknow I know, I'm an awful person but a lot of stuff has happened that I do not wish to speak of. Lame excuse I know, please don't shoot me guys.

I am really happy to see so many followers yayay. Pleease pleeeaase review even though I totally don't deserve it because I absolutely never update :(

Anyway please enjoy xxx

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Glorfindel was frozen. _'Why, Erestor? His Erestor did this? Surely not, no there must be some other explanation, there must be.'_

"Erestor? Erestor please, just look at me!" Glorfindel's hands were rubbing up and down the councilor's scarred forearms.

Erestor shook his head and tried to pull away but the blarog-slayers fierce grip didn't allow him to.

With a sigh Glorfindel scooped the other elf's smaller frame up into his arms and carried him bridal style to the bed. He sat him down and sat opposite.

"Right we are going to sit here until I get an explanation. I am willing to sit her all night if I have to." Glorfindel warned before the Noldo even had a chance to argue the point.

Erestor still hadn't looked into the other elf's eyes. He didn't want to see the same disgust, that he often saw in his own eyes, in Glorfindel's. Erestor wouldn't be bale to stand that and he was sure that he would finally snap.

He had been teetering on the edge for hundreds of years, never quite falling, but close enough to cause worry, if of course anyone actually cared he thought. What he didn't know was that people did care. Glorfindel, he cared so much. The golden haired elf loved Erestor with every ounce of his being and could not stand to know Erestor was in so much pain, yet he was unable to help.

"Erestor, look at me," He shook his head.

Glorfindel took Erestors chin in his hand and tilted up his head so that they were eye to eye. What he saw in his loves eyes shocked and saddened him deeply. There was hatred and disgust and shame at himself in Ersetors eyes, things that no elf, or any living thing (well expect maybe orcs) should ever feel, especially his perfect precious Erestor. He promised himself in that moment that he would whatever it would take to make Erestor happy again. Even if it was just sitting there with him and holding him for hours, he would do it, because Erestor was much more important to him than anything else.

What Erestor saw in the balrog slayers eyes also shocked him, absoloutely no sign of disgust or contempt or even pity which Erestor was extremely grateful for. One thing he never wanted was pity, he had done this and therefore did not need pity. All he saw in his companions eyes was distress and sadness and suddenly Erestor felt anger at himself for causing such pain to come to Glorfindel. He had recently returned from a patrol, he didn't need to be dealing with Erestors problems right now, he deserved well-earned rest. What Erestor didn't know was that Glorfindel wouldn't even be able to close his eyes for worry about Erestor, that is of course unless Erestor actually told Glorfindel what exactly it was which was causing him so much internal damage that it had to overflow onto the outside and hopefully Glorfindel would be able to help him with it and thus taking away some of the worry so he would at least be able to rest and tackle the problem with a much clearer mind in the morn. However by the way things were going, Glorfindel didn't really have much hope of that happening.

Erestor took a deep breath and said very quickly,

"Glorfindel, I am sorry for causing you pain and worry at such a late hour, truly I am. I believe that you must be incredibly fatigued having returned from a patrol only this morning and not yet having had any adequate rest. I also am not sure how exactly to explain myself so why do this know, You should rest."

Glorfindel took Erestors hands in his own and squeezed them comfortingly.

"I know what you are doing Erestor, you are simply trying to avoid what will be a very difficult conversation for the both of us and I will not allow it, do you understand?" Erestor's gaze was once again focused on his lap rather than the golden haired elves beautiful face.

"Erestor! I mean it. If you don't give me some kind of an explanation, I will go and get Elrond from his chambers and inform him of my findings and then you will have to talk." Erestors head snapped up in shock but before he could say anything Glorfindel continued,

"But you should know Erestor, that I would feel immensely upset and disappointed that you didn't feel as though you could tell me, especially after I confessed my love for you. And honestly a little betrayed that you said you loved me yet you couldn't trust me enough to share this with me."

"Wha- No! No of course not Glorfindel. I love you deeply and I am truly sorry if I have done anything to put doubt in your mind as to whether or not I love you, but I can assure you I do.I promise that I will explain to you Glorfindel, or at least I'll try to, but... it will be rather difficult."

Glorfindel smiled at the dark-haired elf lovingly and stroked his cheek.

"I can't pretend to ever understand how much pain you must have been, and might possibly still be in, but I can promise you Erestor, that I will always be here for you, no matter what. Even if it is when the moon is at its brightest, I will come to you Erestor and I promise that I will do all in my power to help you. We can get through whatever this is together. And I wouldn't expect it to be anything other than difficult." Glorfindel beamed at him which in turn, bought a genuine smile to Erestors lips.

Glorfindel find this to be a beautiful sight and it caused him to realise how little he had actually seen Erestor smile in all the time that he knew him. It was always just a displeased scowl on the Councillors savoured this moment and he knew he would never forget the perfect smile painted on his loves face.

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Elrond sat in his study contemplating the events of the day. Glorfindel had returned from a Patrol with his men and as usual had not yet managed to finish his report. Elrond was sure he mostly did this to annoy Erestor. That bought Elrond to the first unusual thing that had happened in Imladris that day. Erestor was not complaining about Glorfindel not handing his report in on time. In fact, Elrond didn't think he had heard Erestor complain about the incompetence of other Councilors all day today. This was a very rare occurrence and only happened when Erestor was really happy or really preoccupied. But what could have happened.

The Chief Councilor had been acting differently all day and no matter how much more pleasant he was to work with (not that Elrond really minded his friends sourness as it was never directed towards him and he honestly found it quite funny sometimes) it had begun to unnerve Elrond.

O course Elrond had some ideas as to what might have happened, but there was one theory which he particularly liked. He hoped that his two closest friends had finally got their act together and confessed their blatantly obvious love for one another. Elrond really hoped that they had.

He would have to try and find out if anything had happened to them tomorrow as he looked at the position of the moon and realised how late it was. He hurriedly signed a few documents and made his way to his chambers for some much needed rest.

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_Meanwhile in Erestors Chambers_

Glorfindel was waiting expectantly for Erestor to start.

The Noldo took a deep breath and began.

"Okay, so, as you know, not everyone is accepting of my specific taste in a partner, and some people really like to voice their opinions, no matter how unwelcome they are." Erestor paused for a moment trying to gauge Glorfindel's reaction.

The balrog-slayer felt like he knew exactly where this was going and he felt nothing but rage. Oh he knew exactly how cruel certain elves with certain idiotic opinions could be. Thankfully he had never been on the receiving end of it because of how great of a warrior he was but he had seen how far some elves could go and it honestly disgusted him to think of being in close proximity to anyone with such vulgar views. He didn't say anything though and instead just nodded his head indicating Erestor to continue.

"As you have probably guessed, I was not really a very sociable child. Preferring to stay inside with my books than to go outside and play with other children. Of course, this got me labelled as a freak and at first I didn't really care much for their petty insults but over time they just got worse."

Erestor gritted his teeth and looked towards the ceiling taking deep breaths and willing himself not to cry.

Dear Valar how Glorfindel hated this. The thought of anyone ever bringing Erestor, _his Erestor_, so much pain that he was reduced to tears was enough to send the Golden haired elf on a killing rampage determined to wipe out anyone who ever caused pain to The Noldo beauty sitting in front of him. Glorfindel however kept calm for Erestor and let him continue.

"I know it is a stupid reason to do this, but I was stupid and I didn't know hat else to do. I couldn't go to my mother and father," Erestor had spat those words out with such contempt that it almost bought tears to Glorfindel's eyes, "because they just agreed with everyone else and well the habbit just stuck."

Glorfindel didn't say anything, he just engulfed Erestor in a giant hug that lasted a long time.

"Erestor, you are amazing and beautiful and clever and most certainly not stupid so don't you ever say anything bad about yourself ever again. Do you understand me. These scars Erestor are not anything bad, all thy are is a way to show the world that no matter how incredibly difficult things might have been, you didn't give up but you carried you are going to lay down and get some rest, taking comfort in the fact that you have got what must have been a heavy burden off of your shoulders and knowing that you can always come to me no matter what because I won't judge you. And do you know what else Erestor, I think you would e able to tell Elrond too."

Having said what he had wanted to, Glorfindel left a sweet kiss on Erestors brow and bid him goodnight leaving the room, still a bit shocked at the secrets that had been revealed that night.

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** Okay so there ya have it, another complete chapter. Yay! Good news is the Summer holidays are coming up which hopefully means much more regular updates! Woohoo!**

**I found this chapter extremely difficult to write for ages and just didn't know how to go about it until yesterday when it just sort of came to me when I was trying and failing at the sleep thing**

**Hope you liked it, please please please review if you liked it, or if you didn't like it, any constructive criticism is welcome.**

**Once again danke my dear lovely readers, hope to see you again very soon. **


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